Mommy

My mother is bonkers, in a fun way. How many other 60-year-old mothers will tell their child the following non-sequitur on IM, "Hey, did you know that if someone tries to kidnap you and takes you to the ATM, if you put in your pin no. backwards then they will call the cops? You're @$@!ed if your pin is 303"

Basic Laws of Big-Name Comedians

A good friend of mine made the tragic error of saying that she kinda, sorta liked Dane Cook. In order to help her out

Here are some rules for Big Name Comedians.*

a) If he's white, funny, and from America, he's Jewish (Seinfeld, Louis Black, Jon Stewart, etc)
b) If he's white, funny, and not Jewish, he's Canadian (Mike Myers, Jim Carey, Norm MacDonald, etc)
c) If he's funny, not Canadian, and not Jewish, he's black (Old School Eddie Murphy, Chris Rock, Bernie Mac, etc)
d) If he's not Canadian, not Jewish, and not black, he's not funny. Just not possible.

Dane Cook falls under Category D.

Admittedly, if I somehow ever became a Big Name Comedian, I would obviously fall under D, though I'm not above converting or expatriating.

P.S. I'm a sexist, so I don't pay attention to comediennes.

*Only applies to mainstream comedy (Sitcoms, Movies, SNL, Big Tours, etc). Joe Rogan, Doug Stanhope, Louis C.K. et al are hysterical, but will never hit the big-time (and no, News Radio doesn't count because the character they had Rogan playing was retarded compared to his real act).