The Plan

As some know, I've been trying to get a job as a contractor (logistics, not mercenary) in Afghanistan since I took the SC bar exam in August. I've also kicked the tires on law jobs, but those have been virtually impossible to find. More of my friends have found jobs than I expected, and I'm happy for them, but considering my mediocre GPA and the fact that I didn't clerk while in law school (long story, well, not so long but not relevant to this), I would figure I'm well down on the list of lawyers to get a job at a firm when there are more qualified candidates. Beyond that, to be clear, I really, really don't want to be a lawyer. Yes, I did just spend a substantial amount of money becoming one, but the thought had always been that, though I was never drawn to law, I would find an area that appealed to me once I was in law school. Nope. Didn't happen.

At any rate, I have always wanted to be a writer and have primarily done travelogues and non-fiction pieces. My first book, which I never attempted to publish, was about my time as a firebase commander in Iraq (way, way, way too personal for me to be objective about so I've kept it on ice til I have more perspective). I've been writing my first novel this past year or so (during school I didn't really mess with it but went at it during breaks) and I hope to be finished by the new year.

I've been able to live for free by the grace of my inestimable cousin Dave and his fiancée Holly while I've waited out the Afghanistan job to open up, but with their impending nuptials it was time for me to go. Without any income and a place to stay, I have been in a bit of a quagmire. Then the car I've been using, my old HS bomber, died. Not good, my friends, not good.

While driving down to Beaufort in my other car, which I gave to my mother to help her out of a jam, I figured out a solution to my troubles. Back in May, two days after graduation, I got a letter from the Veteran's Administration congratulating me on the passage of the Post 9/11 GI Bill, which entitled me to up to four years tuition (up to the level of the most expensive public university in my state), $1000 a year for books, and a living allowance. It was not authorized to make payments on degrees obtained prior to passage, so I muttered "Dammit! Where was this three years and $67k ago?" I didn't even entertain the notion of going back to school to get a graduate degree because a) I don't need letters behind my name to tell me I know what I know, b) I don't want to be a professor since the focus in higher academia these days seems be publishing obscure crap on a two year cycle rather than actually, you know, teaching, and c) I'm ready to get on with my damn life.

What I had not even considered was going back for an UNDERGRADUATE degree, until the other day. Languages had popped into my head on that drive and I thought, "Aha!" First of all, I'm couch-surfing; I don't have a car; and I'm bleeding funds while I wait for the job I want to open up. It's not "getting on with my life"; it's miserable. I could get a bartending job or some such, but that's its own form of misery and doesn't propel my life in any way. Because I went to Carolina for undergrad (and basically got a language degree, Latin), all my credits would apply so I'd so I'd be able to take two language classes (I'm thinking French and Russian for now, though Chinese might be useful), and then fill the other hours I need with classes I'm interested in, though perhaps I might add nother language but I'm concerned about getting overwhelmed by doing too many similar languages (I've already had a smattering of Spanish and Italian). We'll see.

Anyway, were I getting a graduate degree, I'd feel like I was simply ducking the economy and responsibility because there wouldn't be a practical application. With languages, hopefully those will make me more marketable, but, in all honesty, the main thing is that I don't expect to finish the degrees. If I do, great, but what I suspect will happen is that I'll find a job I want and then I'll take it and stop the schooling. If that happens, then I've been able to be solvent (the living allowance is $1300 a month, which I'm pretty sure is better than I'd get on unemployment) while I learn something useful and give myself time to try to get my manuscript published. There's also the not-so-small point that I *am* a lawyer now, like it or not, and with the law library at USC easily in reach for legal research, I can do side-work as a solo practitioner to make ends meet and build my resume.

I talked to USC and because I went there undergrad, it's basically only a matter of me filling out an application that will get rubber-stamped through so I can begin in January. The VA is backlogged on paying for the GI Bill, so I will have to get another student loan to pay for tuition and living expenses while I wait for the VA to reimburse me, but the financial aid department said that shouldn't be a problem. I'm headed up to Columbia on Monday, Nov 30 to take care of that and to find a place to live.

So, basically, all that was to say that I'll be the old guy in the classes with freshmen. It's too bad I'd rather strangle 18yo girls ("It's like, you know?") than hit on them or this would be the awesomest idea in history.

"How You Doin'?"

I get that people are being polite and it's just societal convention to ask, but of late, when people have asked me how I'm doing, I feel bad to tell them the truth. Of course, they feel bad afterwards too.

Them: "How you doing?"
Me (taking deep breath): Well, I'm homeless, broke, unemployed and no real job prospects. I just spent $120 in money I don't have to be told my crappy car is unrepairable. My other car, which I gave my mom, which we paid $3000 a few months ago to get the transmission replaced, has a motor problem that will cost a minimum of $400 to fix. I'm cashing out my retirement fund to get myself out of some of this staggering debt and have some money to survive and, yeah, my $600+ fed student loan payments kick in next month. I think I can get that deferred, thus piling on debt due to more interest, but I'm not sure. I am getting sworn in to the Bar, but I don't wanna be a lawyer and it's just an excuse for them to charge me more money I don't have. Other than that, I'm doing good. I guess. How are you?
Them: I need a drink.

At this point I wouldn't be surprised to have the following conversation with a mechanic:

Mechanic: Mr. Carpenter, I have bad news. Your car has terminal cancer.
Me: Cars don't get cancer!
Mechanic: We've never seen it either, but it's definitely cancer.
Me: Figures.

P.S. I'm not really freaking out. I just kinda shrug my shoulders when I go through this sorta thing, which seems to be disturbingly often, so please no concerned messages. I just like to poke fun and find the lighter side of difficult times. I know all this will pass.

P.P.S. Still, probably best not to ask how I'm doing/what I'm up to for a while.