Damn you, Facebook Chat!

When deployed 7,000 miles (at least) from friends and family, Facebook is monumentally wonderful.  Being able to interact with those I care about makes being out here somewhat bearable.  Even though I'm 8.5 hours ahead of East Coast time, I typically have 10-40 people online at any given moment whom I can catch up with.  All that is absolutely fantastic.

Facebook Chat is not perfect.  I know that.  Even under perfect conditions, it is well behind Gchat.  Gchat is sensitive to the internet fluctuations out here. It's annoying, but bearable.  Facebook Chat screws me repeatedly

For instance, say there's a Hawt Chick™, I've met some place or other during my various travels:

Now, I barely know Hawt Chick.  From what I gather, she's Hawt.  I'll occasionally comment on her status if something amusing comes to mind, and vice versa.  Otherwise, it's mostly "Happy Birthday!" when FB reminds me or her it's that time.

Now, suppose that I see Hawt Chick on FB chat.  I've seen something she's posted so I start a conversation.  I like to think I'm good with the written word. I'm in my element.  This should be fine.

Except Facebook Chat screws me

It starts out easy enough:

(My Screen)

I'm a verbose S.O.B.  I get that.  However, when I chat, so I don't wear out the person I'm talking to, I type in clauses.  It's short, convenient and easy to follow.  Unfortunately, it gives FB the power to wreak havoc. 

Below is what she got because my internet connection sucks and FB isn't nice enough to just say "Hawt Chick did not receive your chat" like Gchat does, so I keep typing away, clueless.

(Her Screen)

She tries to brush it off, even though that's really weird coming from anyone, let alone a guy she barely knows who's a little "unusual" in that he willingly lives in a war zone and looks like a maniac.  She changes the subject. I sense I've somehow bombed already but have no idea that I've been edited into perversion.

(My Screen)

 (Her Screen)

Now I'm thinking.  "Huh? She seemed pretty cool that time I met her.  More than just a pretty girl.  She does Tai Chi and bungee jumps off bridges.  Maybe she's distracted. It happens."

 I try to change the subject. 

Multiple subject changes on a brief conversation are not a good sign, by the way.

(My Screen)

Fortunately, she gets that chat.  Admittedly, not my best material, but she's game.  Hopefully it's just a matter of her thinking that I'm a little odd from having lived over here for 16 months and not that I'm just weird.  She throws it out there.

(Her Screen)

I thought I was bombing a simple conversation, but woohoo!  I respond.  Sense my over enthusiasm.  Subtlety with excitement is not my forte.

(My Screen)

I wait and she doesn't respond.  Apparently my idea sucked.  I throw out alternatives.

(My Screen) 

Still nothing.  I guess she stepped away from her computer.  She responds after a few minutes.

(My Screen)

Then it dawns on me. I hit refresh on my entire facebook page and this is what comes up on our chat window.

(Her Screen)

I immediately freak out.  I go to her wall and post: "I swear to God I'm here! It's not posting my responses!"

I reply to her chat repeatedly. Damn you, Facebook chat!!!!

(My Screen)

 

It started working fairly well again after that, but the damage was done. We finished up the conversation. I think she figures I'm a crazy guy who blew her off so I sent her a message later asking her something trivial just as a "I was serious about my internet sucking. I wasn't blowing you off or playing some weirdo mind game." No response.
 

Then a couple of days later, she was on chat again so I popped on and said something silly again and, again, no response.

The craptastic thing about Facebook out here is that a) she might not have gotten any of those messages from me so I'm tempted to keep trying but b) if she did and I keep pestering her, then I really am going to look (be?) psychotic.

Damn you, Facebook Chat!