There's only one rule: Be honest.
Suggested Time: As long as it takes.
If a blind man wouldn't enjoy being around you or like you as a human being, it's time to tone down the "I know I'm hot!" or take a shower (hell, maybe both just to be safe) and then shut the hell up and think of something actually intelligent or interesting to say other than the prodigious amounts of useless drivel that lazily falls out of your face.
I'm not blind, but what I would say to you, if I saw you out and about making an inadvertent ass out of yourself and being a walking advertisement for why I sometimes (just sometimes) fervently pray for zombie apocalypse or planet-wide sterility, is this:
"Hi, 'The Sexiest/Most Ripped Person Here!,' I'm 'The Smartest Guy in the Room!.' However, because I'm relatively smart, I know I'm one of many 'The Smartest Guy(s) in the Room!' and probably not the only one in this particular room. What I'm saying is...tone down the arrogance. It's great that you're pretty/strong/tanned/particularly hump-worthy. Go about your business, hang out with your friends, make them laugh by actually being funny, and stop dressing and strutting like an attention whore.
"I promise, promise!, PROMISE! that human beings are not peacocks. If you're not so bright, or super clever, that's okay; work on being nice. Everyone likes nice (except weirdos). We'll still see that you're hot. If a hot person in normal clothes not making a scene is in a room of not-hot people also not making a scene, trust me, all the not-hot people will be aware of the one hottie. Painfully aware. Other hotties will too.
"But get this...it works better for you to tone it down. Really.
"The people you're attracting with that aggravating, ignorant crap? Complete and utter shitheads. So if you're a hot guy wondering why you can't find a nice girl or you're hot chick who always seems to be attracting jerks, put two and two together. There's a reason why annoying-ass, beautiful celebrities marry and divorce in record time. Think about it.
"Or, you know, remain completely and utterly un-self-aware. Perhaps life will be roses for you in your obnoxious obliviousness.
"But I'll be rolling my eyes and wishing hateful things upon you and taking some small solace in the fact that, eventually, hot goes away and you'll be stuck having to put up with yourself, because no one else will."
2 comments:
Thanks for this. I am going to have a long(er) look in the mirror. This time not just to admire my abs.
^^^^Handsome Phil? Is that you?
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