Monday, December 16, 2013

The No-Sided Conversation

Things had gotten weird between them.  That wasn't really it. They'd gotten "uncomfortable."  He thought. But that was the bitch of it.

He wasn't sure.  Maybe it was all in his head.  But it didn't feel that way.

They were friends. "Glorified acquaintances," if he were honest about it.  Their circles overlapped from time to time.  Still, he liked her and that was the also the bitch of it.

Had he made her uncomfortable by being too flirty with her and crossed a line?  Had he simply been uncomfortable because he didn't know the right place to be with her flirty/friendly-wise and she picked up on his discomfort and became uncomfortable simply because he seemed to freeze up around her, as if she were doing something wrong?

It felt like they were on a feedback loop of emotional negativity and defensiveness, but without a real reason.  Perhaps.


Or, as he was deeply worried, he'd done/said something he thought was innocuous and had offended her.

And his natural instinct was to address the issue and apologize, but that "glorified acquaintance" thing, along with the possibility he'd made her uncomfortable precisely because he may have been too-flirty/shown-he-liked-her-too-much, meant that bringing it up could very well exacerbate the problem.  Perhaps she was being distant precisely to get him to back off.  Which, if so, well, shit.

Or it was all in his head because for him, she was a girl he liked, and to her, he was a guy she knew who was a little odd. Which, if so, well, shit.

So the only real thing he could think to do was back off and not try to interact with her much.

Of course, the issue really could have been that his standoffishness was making her feel like she'd done something wrong thus making her withdraw as well. Which, if so, well, shit.

All of which was running through his head when she walked by and hesitantly, half-heartedly, it seemed, raised her hand and said "Hi" and he responded with a polite yet clipped "Hey" and that was about the totality of their interaction.

Except for later, while no one was talking to him, when the attention was turned to so and so, his brow furrowed and he was frustrated and couldn't think of his way out of it.  And she happened to turn her head towards him and she gave him a look and raised an eyebrow, asking, as it were, what was bothering him.  And he blanked his face, and shook his head oh nothing. And he smiled slightly and she turned away.

No comments: