Tuesday, April 2, 2013

Insomnia

The face-skin drapes poorly
The glue's done come unstuck
Haggard Purple blotches
Signify brain chaos
As all the wiring shifts
As effect precedes cause
And lightning jabbering
lotus tranquility
Fury righteous opaque
Retreating innocence
Tear apart savagery
Animalic hunting
Leave me be leave me be
So far away so near
All at once how bout that
Outside catatonia
Inside Perskrammer jaunnt!
Language can bite my ass
I'll bite! And tear! And shred!
Holy sleep I dread you
Can't catch you anyway
Who needs you you bastard
I already said that?
I already said that.
I already said that?
Who what when where why how
Be am is are was were
Been being no matter
Mommy used to carry
Me in her arms asleep
From the car to my bed
And I wouldn't know it
Dammit brain shut off now
Please please please whatever
Guess I'll sleep when I die
Sore. Decay! Glory Blaze!

Monday, April 1, 2013

MLB Opening Day: 2013 Guesses

Predictions typically are guesses people won't admit to only guessing about. These are guesses.

AL East:
1.  Rays (92 wins)- They know how to win with lower talent.
2.  Blue Jays (90 wins)- Hard to improve over 20 games in a year, regardless of makeover. New manager will make or break their playoff shot.
3. Orioles (86 wins)- biggest swing team. Buck Showalter could coax a 94 win, 1st place finish, or their actual talent could hold them to 77 wins and 4th place.
4. Red Sox (82 wins)- Bounce back seasons by stars (Ellsbury, Pedroia, Lester, Bucholz) will make them respectable. Always a chance they make a charge now they're free of Bobby V and have Farrell in as manager.
5. Yankees (77 wins)- Old and broken. Also, &*$! the Yankees on principle

AL Central
1. Tigers (94 wins)- Austin Jackson will make a leap
2. Royals (84 wins)- Over .500 is like the playoffs for them. But it's still not the playoffs.
3. White Sox (82 wins)- Father Time murders Konerko and the offense dives.
4. Indians (81 wins)- Bauer impresses. Francona makes them respectable.
5. Twins (72 wins)- A dumpster fire. Mauer improves power this year. Cracks 20+ if healthy.

AL West
1. Angels (89 wins)- Offense mauls everyone. Pujols goes back to being The Machine and captures the MVP.
2. Rangers (84 wins)- Meh. They are just Meh. Yu Darvish goes top-3 in Cy Young
3. Mariners (84 wins)- They are due to not be the worst offense in decades for once this decade. Totally guess. No justification.
4. As (77 wins)- Chinua Achebe died the other day. Things Fall Apart. A team of nobodies plus Cespedes goes back to reality. 77 wins is charitable.
5. Astros (59 wins)- Dumpster fire without Mauer.

NL East
1. Braves (99 wins)- The potential of seven positions is All-Star level (LF, CF, RF, SS, 2B, 1B, C). Three of those, Justin Upton, Jason Heyward, and Freddie Freeman, have MVP ability if they hit their max. Bullpen is phenomenal if Freddie Gonzalez doesn't amputate them. Starters are above average and they are deep to absorb injuries. My reach pick.
2. Nationals (98 wins)- More steady than the Braves lineup, but Harper is the only one with MVP potential. He has an impressive second year. Pitching makes this team.
3. Phillies (88 wins)- This is their peak potential as a team. They reach it trying to make the WC. Lee and Hamels push each other towards 20 wins each. Halladay figures out a way to get 15 wins.
4. Mets (76 wins)- Ew and boring. Ike Davis goes for nearly 40HR though.
5. Marlins (60 wins)- Dumpster fire. With Giancarlo Stanton. He hits 45+HR and severely injures a 3B or pitcher with a line drive

NL Central
1. Reds (93 wins)- Offense mashes but pitching staff gets lit up at Great American Ballpark. Joey Votto shoots for a .350 BA and 1.100 OPS.
2. Pirates (85 wins)- God forgives Pittsburgh and lets them break .500
3. Cardinals (81 wins)- Injuries take their toll.
4. Cubs (79 wins)- Their pitching is surprisingly good.
5. Brewers (76 wins)- Mediocrity, thy name is Milwaukee.

NL West
1. Dodgers (92 wins)- $200+ million payroll absorbs injuries well enough to win the division, albeit unimpressively.
2. Diamondbacks (86 wins)- Who cares? A boring team scared into 2nd place by fire-breathing Kirk Gibson.
3. Giants (82 wins)- That lineup is too shoddy to catch lightning two years in a row.
4. Padres (72 wins)- San Diego is a beautiful city at least.
5. Rockies (72 wins)- Batting Practice in Denver will be fun at least.

AL MVP- Pujols, Angels
AL Cy Young- Verlander, Tigers
AL Rookie- Jackie Bradley Jr. (Go Cocks!)*

NL MVP- Votto, Reds
NL Cy Young- Kershaw, Dodgers
NL Rookie- Tavares, Cardinals*

*Who the hell knows with rookies? Way too unpredictable.  Myers (TB) could be an MVP candidate or a replacement-level dud.