Friday, October 7, 2016

The Weather Channel Internal Memo for All On-Air Talent

A cousin of mine works at TWC and passed this along:

From: TWC Management
To: All On-Air Talent
RE: BROADCAST REQUIREMENTS

Talent,
We are thankful and appreciative of your routine efforts, however, we are a business, and all our market research and tracking shows that we don't make money based on your average, everyday forecasts.  

Advertisers pay beyond what they would for virtually no viewers on a day-to-day basis on the regular occurrence of a catastrophe that we can massage.

We have a country that spans a continent.  There is a weather event we can work with on AT-LEAST a weekly basis.

So, TWC requires that you and your production teams MUST:


1. USE YOUR IMAGINATION. Look. Let's be blunt. We love you and so we hired you and continue to pay you, but TWC is not the pinnacle of a broadcasting career. If you want to get back on track, you're going to need stand out. Take some risks, be a trifle ridiculous, go for it.  Maybe don't go so overboard that you go viral and it hurts you down the road, but we will NEVER tell you to turn it down. 

2. DRAMATIZE. Do so to the point of being ridiculous. People will roll their eyes, but they will still watch. AND THEY WILL KEEP TWC ON ALL DAY if the event impacts them. Do you have any idea what Red Lobster pays during even a tropical depression?! 

3. OVERSTATE.  Add 33% to the impact area AND the effects.  Hell, add 50% if you think you can remotely justify it.  Did you find someone willing to support a S.W.A.G. (Silly Wild Ass Guess)? Put them on air and see if you can brow beat them into hyperbole. You can do it. We believe in you. 

4. DEADLY-FY. If a tree branch can fall on a baby, without a storm, you can explain the dangers of rain! and wind! and debris! and tides! and waves! and dust! and fill-in-the-blank!  Always appeal to the danger to children and the elderly. ALWAYS.

5. 
GET WET. Wade in the surf; have someone off-camera spray you with a garden hose. We don't care. We get a spike in viewership if y'all look miserable, courageous, and endangered.

6. 
LIFE INSURANCE WILL PAY OFF QUADRUPLE IF YOU DIE ON AIR.  Only to the first one to take us up on this. We retain rights to your life story and your death story.

7. INSIST THIS ISN'T LIKE THE LAST TIME WE DID THIS. Can't preach this enough.  Find any minute difference in situations and explain how the current "threat" must be taken seriously. DEADLY SERIOUSLY. Then do what you always do.

8. DON'T SPEAK TO JIM CANTORE UNTIL JIM CANTORE SPEAKS TO YOU. DON'T LOOK JIM CANTORE IN THE EYES. He's a god. You're not.

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