Lap of Luxury

For those of you that don't know, I'm currently on my four day pass. Things here in Qatar have been going swimmingly. I've done myself proud and succeeded in my mission to not do anything. So far I've managed to fit in some time at the swimming pool and jacuzzi in between my binge eating and thirteen hour sleep sessions. Yes, life is difficult here in the seventy five degree weather.

I just finished receiving my first ever full body massage. That was strange. I think I'm less relaxed than when I went in to the spa. The heavyset Indonesian woman, Julie, was friendly enough, but I have to say that I had no idea that these things HURT. I'd rather assumed that the inner thigh was not a source of pain, but she quickly disabused me of that notion as the flames from my poor nerves caused me to "suck gnats" while she pleasantly ordered me to relax. I quickly discovered that, in her lexicon, "relax" means "I'm 'bout to put a hurtin' on you". I was shown this as she found the spot on my upper thigh that I had prior to that point assumed was incapable of producing any sort of bad feeling by a woman's hands, and took me to the verge of tears as she brought her hundred-eighty pounds to bear on the nickle-sized bundles of nerves by way of her adamantine thumbs.

In short order I had my back bombarded and then had each of my vertebrae separated by an extra half inch by those unyielding digits and nearly had my shoulder muscles separated from the bones. She tossed me over onto my back and then went to work on my belly and chest, but, fortunately, my lack of physique meant that she didn't have much muscle to terrorize. My sternum bore the brunt of the abuse before she then gave up and went after my forehead and hairline. My grimace didn't keep her from doing her worst...ahem... best, and she assumed that she had taken me to the heights of rapture as all I seemed to be capable of was a muted whimper as she asked me various questions. At any rate, I poured off the rack/table and after putting
myself back together as best I could and stumbling to the front counter, I made sure to give her a sizeable extortion fee to make sure that she would let me escape.

Actually, now that I'm paying attention to it, my body does feel much better and more limp, much the way it would after seven to twelve rounds of body blows from a heavyweight boxing champion (better than when it was in the process of being beaten, mind you).

Off now to the restaurant, by way of the internal medicine division of the infirmary.