Berlin

To preface, as it has been brought to my attention, most serenely, that some might not "give a f@§! about [my] trip" and that to send these speaks volumes as to my "self-absorbtion" (not my spelling, but I allow literary critics to express themselves as they see fit), please feel free to send hate- email or simply press the delete button. But, now, back to me and why everything I do is great...

December 18th (Continued)

I was awakened most rudely by a teenage girl who kicked me in the foot and spouted gibberish. It took me a moment or two of looking at her like something was growing out of her forehead for me to remember where I was. She switched to English, "You´re in my seat. I reserved it." Dazed or not, I´m a B.S. artist so I can smell it a mile away. She had an unmarked seat reserved, or she wanted the only guy sitting off away from the businessmen and their computers to move so that she could sit next to her friends? Hmm... Whatever. I moved and didn´t wake up again ´til Berlin.

Berlin´s hauptbahnhof was a gigundous 22nd century contraption from which I quickly extricated myself. A taxi ride later and I was at the hostel. I´ve been in country five hours and my money is hemorraging faster than a Romanov. Between the overnight reservation to Vienna for tomorrow night, a notebook, the taxi ride and the hostel, I´m already 50€ down. It´ll take some time ´til the third coming of Christ for me to pay back this trip.

Having ditched my backpack and books, I set out in the dim cold. When I was first stationed in Germany, I didn´t see the sun for two weeks. Then, one day as I was about to go into a building, the clouds parted and I saw ole Sol for three seconds. The clouds crashed back together and I didn´t see it for another three weeks. Berlin is farther north than where I´d been stationed, but just as overcast. It started getting dark at 4pm or so.

I´m glad I wanted cold because I got it. The thermometer was hovering at freezing before the sun gave up. The wind added some kick. Hey, at least when it´s biting cold you feel alive. Ridiculous hot and you just wanna die.

I quickly found myself in one of the ubitquitous doner kebap shops. A doner is just like a gyro except that its meat is from a gigantic slab of processed chicken slathered in chemical death, instead of lamb. I bet my body won´t decompose an extra two years because of the doners I´ve pumped into it. Hey, they´re 2€; whatcha gonna do?

As I wandered I came across the Berlin Dom (Cathedral). In I went and was immediately dumbstruck by the immensity of it. I know for a fact that the Parthenon is bigger (it was the world´s largest dome until...the superdome...how lame), but that doesn´t take away from the Dom. It´s dang impressive.

I was also struck by how much the boulevard Unter Den Linden reminded me of the Champs Elysees, what with the lit up trees lining it and the ridiculously exorbitant shops (Ferrari and Bugati, to name two).

At the end sat the famous Brandenburg Gate. Goddess Victory (Nike?) rode in her four-horse-drawn chariot hoisting an Iron Cross above her head. As interesting as she was, I was more fascinated by the friezes of who appeared to be Hercules. They didn´t all correspond to his labors. I´ll be interested to discover their significance.

After Brandenburg gate, it was over to the Reichstag, the German Capitol. After a fifteen minute wait where I got to hear some jackass explain global terror politics to his girlfriend with an indeterminate accent and complete masturbatory glee, I got in the elevator and was transported to the roof. I walked around, silently surveying the city and then I climbed to the top of its glass dome. Jackass and dumbass followed a short distance behind, continuing with their incessant drivel.

After leaving, I went back towards the Dom, down the other side of Unter Den Linden, taking a moment to appreciate the giant menorah, screen, and stage erected in front of the gate where a Jewish was set to start.

I stopped at a kristkindlmarkt and sipped spicy, piping hot glühwein as I watched people skating on a rink nearby. After that I wandered on until I came to a fair that would put the SC State Fair to shame. Even the carnies were attractive (well, the women only, obviously) and, ordinarily, I´m not into Germans. The downside was that the music was horrible. I hate current American music, so of course I´m going to hate music that wouldn´t even see the light of day in the States. The upside was that even though I was wearing a trench coat, had a hat pulled down low to cover my bloodshot eyes, and was sporting classic French priest facial hair, not one person looked at me like I was a pervert.

I made it back to the hostel and, after a pair of fantabulous beers in the downstairs bar (they alone might make the crushing debt of this trip worth it), I turned in for much needed sleep.