Thursday, August 30, 2012

Rival Friends


Clemson Fan: ON THIS, THE OPENING DAY OF COLLEGE FOOTBALL SEASON, I HOPE THE FOLLOWING COME TRUE: (I) YOU LOSE BY 50, (II) LATTIMORE HAS HIS LEG AMPUTATED AT HALFTIME AND HAS IT REPLACED WITH A FLACCID BABY ARM, (III) CLOWNEY AND TAYLOR WILL RUN INTO EACH OTHER AND SIMULTANEOUSLY IMPLODE, AND (IV) SPURRIER CRIES AT THE POSTGAME PRESS CONFERENCE AND ANNOUNCES THAT HE WAS IN CAHOOTS WITH SANDUSKY, THEREBY FORCING YOUR SHITTY SCHOOL TO CHANGE ITS MASCOT DUE TO THE DEBILITATING EFFECT THE CHANT "GO COCKS" WILL HAVE ON ALL THE VICTIMS.
 I hate you. I hate your school. I hate everything about you and your wasteland of a   school. And, more specifically, I hate, hate, hate, hate, hate, the chickens.
 Go Tigers.
  and Go Vandy!
 me: I can appreciate all of that
  Enjoy you 8-4 season
 Clemson Fan: I will. Enjoy NEVER winning your conference. EVER.
  Wait, did I mention "EVER"?
 me: I do worry about your well-being when it goes to four in a row
 Clemson Fan: it's something I've personally experienced... you, not so much.
  I worry more about how you'll handle it.
 it'll be like the first time you figured out how to jackoff
 me: I plan on being insufferable
 Clemson Fan: (also known as the first time you were left alone with Uncle Larry)
 me: Prepare yourself
 Clemson Fan: I actually think we'll win this year
  not sure much the past three years
  but I like our chances this year
me: You think tha every year
 Clemson Fan: in fact, I am planning on going to the game
  which I haven't done since college
 me: As am I
 Clemson Fan: then I know we'll win
  b/c I'm bringing my golden horseshoe
  and you're bringing your... well, whatever it is that's stuck up your ass
God I hope you lose tonight.
 me: Nah. Now that you're a Carolina alum, the Cocks haven't lost to Clemsux
  Thanks, bud
 Clemson Fan: Then I'll burn my diploma.
  I may do that anyway.
me: It will go up in flames. Like your season
 Clemson Fan: I'm gonna go by Seanachai after work and steal one of those chickens so that I can slaughter it in your living room.
me: Those are hard to catch
Clemson Fan: Is that their only redeeming quality?
me: Just ask Dabo
Clemson Fan: other than being a food source to everyone else
me: He's always coming up short.
Wait. Did WV just score again!?!?
Clemson Fan: your day of reckoning is nigh, Carpenter
me: I just hope the nearly nine months was enough for your asses to heal after that.
Clemson Fan: You don't hope that
and neither do I
I hope they never forget because that sucked goat nutts
me: No. No, I don't.
Clemson Fan: anyways...tootles. I gotta do some work.
I suggest you cover your living room in plastic
me: I love the part where you were there in person
Clemson Fan: because that chicken is gonna get splattered
me: sure
Clemson Fan: that was my favorite part too
that and the fact I spend $2k to watch
It. Was. Awesome.
me: Yes! C.L.E.M.S.U.X.
Clemson Fan: also, go F yourself
me: Go Cocks
end of chat

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