Rival Friends

Clemson Fan: ON THIS, THE OPENING DAY OF COLLEGE FOOTBALL SEASON, I HOPE THE FOLLOWING COME TRUE: (I) YOU LOSE BY 50, (II) LATTIMORE HAS HIS LEG AMPUTATED AT HALFTIME AND HAS IT REPLACED WITH A FLACCID BABY ARM, (III) CLOWNEY AND TAYLOR WILL RUN INTO EACH OTHER AND SIMULTANEOUSLY IMPLODE, AND (IV) SPURRIER CRIES AT THE POSTGAME PRESS CONFERENCE AND ANNOUNCES THAT HE WAS IN CAHOOTS WITH SANDUSKY, THEREBY FORCING YOUR SHITTY SCHOOL TO CHANGE ITS MASCOT DUE TO THE DEBILITATING EFFECT THE CHANT "GO COCKS" WILL HAVE ON ALL THE VICTIMS.

 I hate you. I hate your school. I hate everything about you and your wasteland of a   school. And, more specifically, I hate, hate, hate, hate, hate, the chickens.

 Go Tigers.

  and Go Vandy!

 me: I can appreciate all of that

  Enjoy you 8-4 season

 Clemson Fan: I will. Enjoy NEVER winning your conference. EVER.

  Wait, did I mention "EVER"?

 me: I do worry about your well-being when it goes to four in a row

 Clemson Fan: it's something I've personally experienced... you, not so much.

  I worry more about how you'll handle it.

 it'll be like the first time you figured out how to jackoff

 me: I plan on being insufferable

 Clemson Fan: (also known as the first time you were left alone with Uncle Larry)

 me: Prepare yourself

 Clemson Fan: I actually think we'll win this year

  not sure much the past three years

  but I like our chances this year

me: You think tha every year

 Clemson Fan: in fact, I am planning on going to the game

  which I haven't done since college

 me: As am I

 Clemson Fan: then I know we'll win

  b/c I'm bringing my golden horseshoe

  and you're bringing your... well, whatever it is that's stuck up your ass

God I hope you lose tonight.

 me: Nah. Now that you're a Carolina alum, the Cocks haven't lost to Clemsux

  Thanks, bud

 Clemson Fan: Then I'll burn my diploma.

  I may do that anyway.

me: It will go up in flames. Like your season

 Clemson Fan: I'm gonna go by Seanachai after work and steal one of those chickens so that I can slaughter it in your living room.

me: Those are hard to catch

Clemson Fan: Is that their only redeeming quality?

me: Just ask Dabo

Clemson Fan: other than being a food source to everyone else

me: He's always coming up short.

Wait. Did WV just score again!?!?

Clemson Fan: your day of reckoning is nigh, Carpenter
me: I just hope the nearly nine months was enough for your asses to heal after that.

Clemson Fan: You don't hope that

and neither do I

I hope they never forget because that sucked goat nutts

me: No. No, I don't.

Clemson Fan: anyways...tootles. I gotta do some work.

I suggest you cover your living room in plastic

me: I love the part where you were there in person

Clemson Fan: because that chicken is gonna get splattered

me: sure

Clemson Fan: that was my favorite part too

that and the fact I spend $2k to watch

It. Was. Awesome.

me: Yes! C.L.E.M.S.U.X.

Clemson Fan: also, go F yourself

me: Go Cocks

end of chat