Who We're Dealing With (Update)

A minor addendum to my tales I shared about the Iraqis. A friend of mine (Jim) that works up at a higher echelon had this to say:

"Oh, to add to your story about what your pilot buddy saw: Amongst the other things they've found in the computers that the bad guys were using in Fallujah is the history in the web browser: Some terrorist sites visited... and LOTS of gay porn sites!"

So there you have it. As I told Jim, "They have commercials in the States now that say that if you buy drugs you are funding terrorism. Do you think they'll start commercials saying that if you make gay porn you entertain terrorists?"

The Problem of Iraq

By far, the singlemost annoying aspect of living in this country is that it affects my equilibrium so strangely. For example, I can I drink a liter and a half bottle of water while I'm sitting on shift and might have to pee once during my twelve hours; however if I take a thimbleful before I sleep, I invariably am rousted from my dancing visions of busty bikini babes (or dragons and demons; I have weird dreams here) in order to relieve myself at least three times a night. Do I need to start sleeping standing up? I just do not get it at all. Perhaps it's some sort of MidEastern Hemispherical Cariolis effect? Is it because I sleep during the day, when my cicadian rhythm is used to me being awake? Whatever it is I would just like to get a full night's sleep.

Uh Oh

They moved us into a fancier building today. It's very bright in here and there's lots of stained wood, charts, and monitors everywhere. They even have little speakers hung up all over the place for the PA system. It makes me think of Dr. Strangelove, in that it's absolutely imperative to have a "war room" to do our jobs. Actually, we were told we're not allowed to cuss in here. Heaven forbid that we use naughty language while we plan out ways to kill people. Oh, and yesterday my battalion was ordered to change the name to a mission. It had been called "Garotte", but that was deemed too violent. I offered up "Hugs and Feelings" as the alternate, but they didn't appreciate that at all. Oh, well.

Who We're Dealing With (Moderately Risque)

In the past twenty four hours I have had the good fortune to have been relayed two tales that portray the Iraqis on the street, so to speak, a bit differently from how they might seem just from the TV reports.

Last night my battalion escorted over one hundred Iraqi police trainees back from Baghdad, where they'd flown in having received their training in Jordan. There was a minor delay getting them sent downtown, so they stayed here on FOB Warhorse for a few hours. I saw them all when I went to chow last night and ate with the patrol leader.

What I discovered this morning when I went to the gym was that after chow the soon to be policemen, representatives of the Iraqi government, had been herded over to the MWR hangar (Morale, Welfare, and Recreation; it has ping-pong and foosball tables and lights in it so we can keep security on large groups of foreign nationals). They were not the ideal guests.

Besides defecating everywhere (in the hangar, next to the port o' potties, outside, etc), they also took the opportunity to destroy the soccer balls that they were lent from the MWR facility to occupy their time while they waited. It wasn't that the balls were kicked around and were accidently popped; nope, they had been torn apart. Of course, that was merely passive aggression, as opposed to when one of them punted a basketball at a landing Blackhawk helicopter (the guy working the gym showed me the shorn remnant of the ball, along with
the mangled carcasses of the soccer balls). The rotor made quick work of the ball and the pilot came out with his pistol drawn, looking for the "@#@#$#@#$#er" that did it.

In addition to that, one of the US soldiers went over to use the port o potty, next to which a gaggle of the Iraqis was squatting (just talking to the best of my knowledge, though that may have been when they decided to play there aforementioned prank). Upon seeing the soldier advancing, one of the Iraqis jumped up, ran over to the port o' potty, and grabbed the door, though he did not go in. The Iraqi just smiled at the soldier as the soldier explained that he needed to use it. After the third time, the soldier had his fill and politely informed the Iraqi "@#$#@#$##er" that he was "gonna kick (his) $#$#", the Iraqi said, "You mean!" and proceeded square up. An MP that was supposed to be keeping an eye on things saw what was about to happen and removed the Iraqis from beside the source of contention.

This evening, while at chow, I was told a story by the Kiowa pilots (they do reconnaissance work for us) that gave me yet another reason to be glad I'm not a pilot. While doing their normal route clearance patrol, they came across two Iraqi cab drivers in what I can only relay as being an "indelicate" circumstance. The pilots said that they were still trying to come up for an alternate explanation for what they could have been doing. Of course, the sheepish smile on their faces, and the man watching from the back seat of the taxi, was very puzzling. I mentioned to one of the pilots, a lieutenant, that he needed to take the positive view of the whole situation and be thankful that he'd gone twenty five years without ever having to witness that sort of thing before.

So, other than that (aggression from allies, sodomy) things here have been pretty much the same as normal.

First Person From Fallujah

This blurb comes from my buddy Chris who is acting as a fire support officer in Fallujah right now. My explanations and remarks are in parentheses.

"We are waxing some serious ass, man. Never imagined we could bring this much combat power to bear insuch a small area. Remember they used to have a "Million dollar minute"? Yeah. that wasn't anything. CAS (Close Air Support; Air Force Jets with precision bombs) , AC -130 (a big airplane with a 105mm cannon in it that fires approximately 40 rounds a minute and is accurate to one meter; it has a 35 meter kill circumference), Rotary Wing (Helicopters; Apaches), Fixed Wing (same as CAS), 155 (Artillery cannons), 120, 81, 60, (these three are all mortars; mortars fire more rounds a minute than artillery but aren't as accurate) TOWs (fiber optic guided missiles), Tanks, Machine Guns, and the occasional AT-4 (what most consider a bazooka) are always exploding. They pushed through the city faster than they expected. You wouldn't believe all the toys they have here. Fuller (the Artillery platoon leader) bet that he wouldn't shoot 100 HE (High Explosive; standard Artillery munition) shells. I told him he needs to plan better. He gave me that condencendng look and bet a hundred dollars. Yeah, they are scrambling for shells now because they are amber (dangerously low), almost black (no mo ammo). We have shot over 30 fire missions and over 200 shells, 120 (mortar) and 155 (Artillery). Gator (my old battery) leveled a Mosque being used as a C2 (Command and Control) node today. 20 EKIA (Enemy Killed in Action) in one shot. Crazy. They even shot about three MICLICs (a rocket with a string of 2200 pounds of C4 dragged behind it used to clear mine fields) in an urban environment. The weird thing is they haven't seen one civillian. Not one. So, that's the update."

The only US KIA from Chris' battalion, the one that I was attached to when we first arrived in Iraq, was the Sergeant Major. I rode up with him from Kuwait back in March. He was a good man.

Short Story Long

As some of you might know I grapple with theological issues as a hobbie. Indeed, my degree in Classical Studies, useful for little else, helps me to verify sources and translations. I have been reading the works of a French theological cryptologist, Dr. Philippe de Merd, whose field of study involves considering biblical texts as sources for augury. This "science" was made famous a few years ago with the publishing of "The Bible Code", which claimed among other things, that by scanning the text of the Torah the phrase "Assassin will be Assassinated" was linked to the date that Yitzhak Rabin was killed. As opposed to applying decryption techniques to the Torah, Dr. de Merd's expertise lies in trying to discern the hidden messages of the Book of Revelation from the original Greek.

At any rate, I made a startling discovery today as I was perusing my copy of the Greek B.O.R. I found that by converting the letters of the greek Alphabet to numbers (there are 24), then adding the numbers together of each verse, deviding the sum's by pi times phi (the two famous irrational numbers; I hold that irrationality is the true nature of God and man) I was able to convert every passage down to a sum of 24 or less (using estimation to round to whole numbers), which I assumed would have to be reconverted to Greek.

Dr. de Merd's studies have shown that results from his methods usually provide anagramic answers so I spent hours rearranging the various letters but could find no real insight. At the end of the day, on a whim while doodling at my desk as I attempted to rest my noodle, I simply converted the twenty four possible letters to the first twenty four in the English alphabet.

I came up with this:

dienphtibnooogmipsnctiitarddeanereertapanethalsenofllidbewibegrmttoeaptvexnerseochersi

Amazingly, I found the proper order and when I did I dropped my pen. It read:

"chapter six verse one: The opening of the seals will be initiated Ajax Carpenter being promoted to captain"

Which makes perfect when melded into the existing Revelations 6:1

...and I saw when the Lamb opened one of the seals, and I heard, as it were the noise of thunder, one of the four beasts saying, Come and see."

Too late. I got promoted yesterday.