Saturday, March 5, 2011

I've Always Been This Way

When I got to my first unit in the Army, the First Battalion of the Sixth Field Artillery Regiment (1/6 FA), I was, by far, the junior officer.  All the other Second Lieutenants were off at another base, save me.  I was amongst big, scary First Lieutenants who were a whole year older than me...sometimes two!  The majority of them went to West Point.

As I was but a lowly 2LT and a disgusting ROTC graduate at that, many of the 1LTs thought it was my particular place to grovel.  A good many of the higher ranking officers did as well.  I placated the Captains, Majors, and Lieutenant Colonel because, well, it's the Army.  As for the 1LTs, they could shove it sideways.  Yes, they had more experience than me.  One year.  Whoopie.  However, they were still used to the "Fourth Class System" that they'd had at West Point, so they thought it was their duty and right to give me crap and for me to lap it up.

My grandfather was a Brigadier General.  His best friend was a Four Star General.  My father is a Green Beret and Ranger.  Two of my uncles are Rangers.  My first cousin is a Ranger.  I grew up on The Citadel campus.  I was not wowed by the 1LTs.  In fact, I thought they were mostly unrealistically arrogant dumbasses.  I was not good at masking my disdain.

Leaving Germany, the officers of 1/6FA went on a "staff ride", where we toured WWI battlefields where our division, the First Infantry Division ("The Big Red One", named for the patch on our shoulder), fought.  The 1LTs mocked and I mostly ignored.  Two in particular, Mack and Doug, couldn't abide a mere 2LT not fawning over them in wonder nor cringing in fear.  They routinely said stupid things that they thought were very clever.  Alas, they were not.

I knew very, very little about WWI, so, unlike most of the other officers, who mainly were focused on drinking beer in the tour bus, I actively asked questions of the tour guide.  I believe that my behavior was labled "gay" by Doug and Mack.  Also, the fact that I read a book on the tour bus was most likely "gay" to them as well.  I can't recall, fortunately.

At any rate, at the end of the battlefield tour, the tour guide announced that he had a movie for us to watch on the bus on the way back to Germany, Paths of Glory.  Being a raging cineaste at the time and a rabid devotee of Kubrick, I made mention of the fact that the movie was, in fact, "the tits."

As the movie ended, Mack and Doug turned to me.

"I thought you said that movie was good." said Mack.

"I did," I responded.

"I thought that movie @#$!ing sucked!" said Doug.

"That's because you're a moron," I offhandedly replied as I drank a swig of beer and opened my book again.

"Did you just call me a moron?" asked Doug, perplexed.

"Yes," I said, without taking my eyes off the page.

They were stumped.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

everything was 1st rate reading except the boobies.

Anonymous said...

You mean the lack of boobies?

Ajax said...

I feel that "the tits" were featured prominently and with great effect.