Oh. My. Dear. Sweet. Jesus.

So...I kinda sorta forgot to do my continuing legal education.  That whole "I really don't want to be a lawyer" thing I have going for me bites me in the butt when I'm too successful at not being a lawyer and forget that I am.  The loud cracks you hear are my spine breaking as I bend over backwards to avoid reality.  It turns out that the Bar Association of the Great State of South Carolina doesn't really care about my mental gymnastics.  They want money. 

Thus, I woke up to an email, subtly titled

"URGENT MATTER: IMPENDING SUSPENSION FROM THE PRACTICE OF LAW"

Suffice to say, somehow I managed to take stock of the notice. I scoured the SC Bar website for whatever online course I could take that would knock out the requirement. Then I cross-referenced it by which courses were the cheapest. I cared not one itty, bitty, teensy, weensy, tiny little bit if it were interesting. 

Thus, I now am listening/watching the "2010 Government Law Update" for $130.
 
It's 5 hours and 45 minutes long. 

It has all the beauty of being at one of the interminable conferences (lame in-jokes between presenters, awkward applause, people in the audience asking questions that are less about getting information and more about hearing the sound of their own voices, etc).

The highlight for me, so far, was when I didn't screw the lid on my water bottle well enough and it leaked all over my pants and everyone in the office has decided that I'm incontinent. 

Actually, I'm joking. 

That did happen but the highlight has been that because I'm watching it on the internet, I can do research to further my continuing legal education to give it proper perpective, which I'm sure I'd be doing were I actually in the audience. 

Thus, they've discussed the impeachment proceedings against the former governor. I couldn't grasp finer points because I simply couldn't identify. They weren't adequately drawing me in with "the human perspective." To rectify this, I googled "Hot Argentinian Models" (on moderate safe search...I'm a professional). 

 

 

 

 

Now, I am proud to say that I am fully compliant with my requirements and certified as ethical, and, as a bonus, I'm well-versed in hot Argentinian models.
 
This "law" thing isn't so bad after all. 

But only so long as I can look at half-naked stunningly attractive women.

(Side note, for people who wish to rat me out...a) just because I write something on here that doesn't mean it's necessarily true and b) the damn online viewer requires me to repeatedly click on it to affirm I'm watching it so it's not as if I'm pressing play and walking away)